February 2010
30 posts
“Oh wait, stop! Is that a joint [in the sidewalk crack]? No, nevermind....”
– My friend Corey Johnson, the son of someone, last night at 3am.
Listen, I Do Have Somewhat Of A Heart About This
I want the mouse in my apartment dead as much as the next guy, but the fact that the mousetraps say “VICTOR” on them is a little much, don’t you think, mousetraps?
I get that that’s your brand, but I still think it’s a little harsh and smug.
We don’t need to rub that we’re gonna kill it in its disgusting little face, moustrap. We just need to get the job...
I Have A Question (This Isn't A Bit)
So all of the sidewalks in my neighborhood have been completely shoveled already. There aren’t any businesses around, so who is doing this shoveling? Are there city employees whose job it is to clear the snow? Or are residents doing this? Because if so, I don’t understand.
I hate the idea of slipping and sliding on ice for weeks as much as the next guy, so I understand the need to...
WatchONN INTERNATIONAL: Denmark Introduces Harrowing New Tourism Ads Directed By Lars Von Trier
I love, love, love how bat-shit crazy this video is.
A Show I Would Watch If They Made It
A reality show where eight sluts lay face-down on a speed bump for a month.
They would all be strangers, obviously, and they would have to slowly make friends with each other and learn from each other while all drunkenly laying face-down on a speed bump. The bump could be in a residential neighborhood, in a Best Buy parking lot, or at the Arrivals Terminal in front of a small-to-medium-sized...
A Stupid Conversation I Had With A Ridiculous...
Me: So you're gay?
Ridiculous Person: Yes. But I'm not out to anyone at work. I mean it's MTV. I have to keep up my hip, straight, ladies man image. It's really important when you work somewhere like I do, you know?
Me: What exactly do you do at MTV?
Ridiculous Person: I work in their financial department.
A Good Day
I’m sitting in on some castings today at The Onion and I just got to meet Old Version Of Madonna from “A League Of Their Own”.
Jealous?
I'm almost positive I end up looking at a clock or...
I Haven't Been Watching The Show, But I Am Still...
1. The girl who raised her eleven siblings by herself.
2. The man whose wife is in labor every second that he’s auditioning.
3. The woman who has never seen a plane before in her life.
4. The kid who was beaten almost to death by a grand piano but decided to overcome his fear of musical instruments, learn to sing, and try out for the show anyway.
5. The woman with no genitals.
6. The...
Google Buzz: Revealed! →
caitlintime:
Written by Chris Kelly and Caitlin Tegart. Directed by Todd Bieber. Edited and produced by J.D. Amato. Voiceover by Guy Patton.
My Two Thoughts Every Time I Pass Through An...
Number 1: I wish I was one of those people who shopped organically, perusing fresh, locally grown herbs and vegetables on the weekends.
Number 2: No I don’t. That sounds miserable.
WatchThe VICE Guide To North Korea.
They went there and the videos are fascinating.
Chat Roulette
This is what we’re all supposed to talk about on here today, right?
In my fifteen minutes of researching Chat Roulette, these are the people I saw for between one and three seconds each:
- About nine separate dudes masturbating.
- Three fat girls gathered together screaming “Is this working?”.
- A man with a neck beard eating Baked Lays.
- A fifteen year old boy sleeping.
-...
My First Tumblr Q&A
Feel free to ask me questions here, specifically if it is about going to the bathroom, why I want to marry someone who already has a nine month old child, and why I hate people that run.
Q. What city did you enjoy the most on your trip?
A. I have decided to answer this by treating my recent travels like a High School Yearbook:
City That Was Just Like They All Say It Is (In A Good Way): Paris
...
One Of The Meanest Things Ever Done To Me...
…was when Kevin told me just now, moments before bed, that he saw a small mouse in my room this morning.
And I’m not forgetting that I’ve been slapped in the face before and robbed of everything I own at gunpoint.
My Newest Follower On Twitter
“Hello! I’m Paul. I’m 12 years old. I’m also a stage lighting designer, amateur filmmaker, kick-ass graphics designer dude, Formula One fanatic and wannabe nerd.”
Guys, can we call it a day on Twitter?
You jump, I jump.
A Post Of Gratitude
I get to spend my days making comedy videos with some of the funniest, most talented people I have ever met. At night, I get to write and direct and rehearse comedy shows with more hilarious people and if I ever need or want something to do, I can go to the comedy theatre I work at and say hi to any number of brilliant people.
Not a bad life. It’s good to remind myself of that every now and...
