An Open Letter To The Chris Kelly Who Worked For...
Thank you. There are so many Chris Kellys in this world and frankly, I’ve been getting really sick of Googling myself after getting semi-drunk on white wine only to find pictures of you. You had to go. Granted, now that you’ve killed yourself, Googling myself is even more nightmarish - every search result is “Chris Kelly Dead”, which is not what I need right now - but I...
My Impression of the NPR Interview I Heard This...
Reblogged from Lindsay Katai.
NPR Lady: I have here with me Dr. Alison Whatsherface, Professor of Psychology and author of the book "Babies Are Fascinating." Welcome, Dr. Whatsherface.
Dr. W: Thank you for having me. Babies.
NPR Lady: So in your book, you say that babies are actually super smart?
Dr. W: Babies are so smart. Babies are constantly thinking.
NPR Lady: That's interesting, because they're just babies.
Dr. W: Yes. Babies.
NPR Lady: But babies think.
Dr. W: Babies are totally thinking. Babies have brains, just like non-babies. Or as you call them aaaa-dults.
NPR Lady: What are babies doing when they stare at their mommies faces? You know how babies do that? Stare at mommies?
Dr. W: Babies absolutely stare at mommies. Their analyzing the mommies.
NPR Lady: So why have we not previously realized babies are so smart?
Dr. W: Because we think of them as tiny, less functional aaaaaaa-dults. When really they're just babies. Babies can do everything.
NPR Lady: So what, if anything, are babies not good at.
DR. W: Babies are not good at planning.
NPR Lady: No, because they're babies! Okay, let's take a call.
Caller Lady: Hi, I had a visit from a baby recently.
DR. W: I love babies!
Caller Lady: Me too! Babies are the best! So this baby had Russian parents and the parents spoke Russian to it, but the baby will probably learn English easily enough, right? Because babies are all geniuses.
Dr. W: Yes, babies are all geniuses. We have so much to learn from babies!!!
NPR Lady: Babies!!!
Caller Lady: Babies!!!
Dr. W: BABIES!!!
Why I Should Probably Be Going To The Gym More...
I’ve gotten really good at timing when to put the corn dogs in so they’re ready as soon as my current episode of The Wire is over. (The 38 minute mark.)
You have to be patient. You have to give yourself a chance. When you’re first...– Wise words from Allison Silverman (former co-head writer and EP of The Colbert Report), in And Here’s the Kicker. (via celesterstallone) (via frankhejl) I needed to read this tonight.
I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up because I would just bring a...– Just when I try to stop watching TOP MODEL, horse shit like this pulls me back in.
I didn’t write this, but I love it so much. It is so so stupid and funny and great. TRIVIA: There was no real bat on set! CRAZY!!!!!!
How’s Malcolm?– My dad, asking how my friend Winston is doing. Every time.
Have we heard anything from Michelle Branch in a while?– My Dad
Hey Guys, Five Hints As To Who Is Listening To...
1. This person does not look strong. 2. This person is surprised and disappointed that none of you are more attractive. 3. This person wore jeans here and is kidding himself. 4. This person looks like he has maybe written a parody version of one of the songs on this soundtrack. And probably looks this way because he has. 5. This person is the only person here who has used the chest press today...
A Conversation With A Friend From High School In...
HS FRIEND: Hey Chris, long time no see. What has it been, eight years?
ME: Must be. Long time.
HS FRIEND: How are things with your family? I heard awhile ago about what you all are going through. I am so sorry.
ME: Oh it's okay. It's been pretty rough, yeah. But we're hanging in there.
HS FRIEND: Wow, so it's still a problem?
ME: Yeah. I mean, it's not going to get better. We're kind of just doing the best we can.
HS FRIEND: Oh, I thought for sure your mom would have gotten better by now.
ME: No. I mean, she's not going to. But it's okay. It is what it is.
HS FRIEND: And your dad?
ME: He's sad obviously. Really sad. We all are. My sisters, my dad, all of us.
HS FRIEND: Your sisters? I thought your sisters didn't care.
ME: Umm...what? Of course they care! Everyone's really torn up about it.
HS FRIEND: Oh, I thought they were okay with you being gay.
ME: Oh. Wait. What are we talking about?
HS FRIEND: You coming out to your family. I know your family was having a hard time about it.
ME: That was six years ago. My mom's actually totally fine with it now.
HS FRIEND: Oh, that's so great to hear! Wait. What were YOU talking about?
ME: Oh, now she has terminal cancer.
HS FRIEND: Oh. Oh my god. I'm so sorry.
ME: It's okay. This has been hilarious.