November 2009
40 posts
Switzerland Does Not Mess
I just learned that the Swiss kill pesky moles by dropping pieces of Trident fruit chew gum into the holes in their yards. Then they wait for the moles to eat the gum, get indigestion and die.
Do not fuck with the Swiss.
Just So You Know
In some parts of Geneva, Switzerland, you are not allowed to flush your toilet after 10pm.
But you are more than welcome to prostitute yourself at any time of day.
I would make some joke about how I’m never coming home, but we all know how much I like to poop.
Paris, Thus Far
I am sitting in a McDonald’s in Paris because it has free Wifi. Don’t worry. If you’re in America reading this entry, the McDonald’s I am in is better than yours.
Here are some things I have learned about Paris:
1. It is the most beautiful place I have ever seen. Granted, I am at the beginning of a trip of many cities, but holy shit. It’s beautiful in every...
Kinda Mediocre: The Tumblr Post Based On Precious:...
This was some mediocre shit.
It’s like this movie was a delicious, delicious pie, but then Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry walked by and sneezed on the pie, and got a little bit of their spit all over it. Doesn’t mean the pie can’t still be good if you eat past the spit, but I would just recommend having some cake instead.
This movie is popular and well-liked for two reasons:
1....
I Spend Too Much Time Thinking About How I Would...
Let’s talk about this, Tumblr.
Say you are dating someone who is missing a finger. Or better yet, part of a finger. Do you have to spend time on that missing finger in bed? Do you have to make a point of showing it affection so that your partner doesn’t feel bad about themselves?
Not that people always have sex by going down a hand, sucking on each finger one by one, but let’s...
“Have fun in L.A. Lemme know what you do. Tweet your boy!”
– My dad’s last text to my sister, in which he apparently continues his experimentation with lingo.
This is the man who raised me.
Pretend There Are Tildas Over The Necessary N's In...
There is a businessman next to me who keeps saying manana.
So far I have heard that he will talk to the person on the other end of the phone manana, that their client will have to wait until after manana for the contract to go through, and that his wife doesn’t get back with the kids until after manana.
It’s like he is sitting next to me, quietly performing a perfectly executed...
Mister Rogers and Maine
lindsaykatai:
“I’m fairly convinced that the Kingdom of God is for the broken hearted.”
- Fred McFeely Rogers
I love Fred Rogers deeply and have for as long as I can remember. I think he’s the reason that as a child, I would donate birthday money to PBS pledge drives. I think he’s the reason I dressed up as Martin Luther King, Jr. for an elementary school biography project (of which there is...
It's Okay You Guys, Cheer Up!
I have been to Maine, and unless we all want to get married in gas stations or backwoods rape sheds, this doesn’t affect us!
“There are roughly three New Yorks. There is, first, the New York of the man or...”
– Here is New York, E.B. White (via chrysilla)
I miss this city like a person.
Question
Is it bad that when someone tells me they still have a yahoo account I assume they’re a little bit dumb?
Not like non-functioning dumb. Precious, fragile dumb.
WatchONN Breaking News:
Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck
I love this one.
I've Been Gone From New York For So Long That I...
I just let what looked like a homeless man talk at me about John Wayne for thirty five minutes in this Starbucks out of the goodness of my heart.
Then he asked if I wanted to buy weed, I said no, and he told me to go fuck myself and left.
The Duke would NOT approve, Homeless Sir. Not one bit.
“Nothing’s lost forever. In this world, there’s a kind of painful progress....”
– Angels in America
I thought it would be a good idea to post a really serious quote that I love in the middle of the night so that I have something to regret when I wake up tomorrow.
But for reals, what a quote. 